find value in pain

photo courtesy of Roman Kraft

Everybody experiences pain..sometimes it is mild, almost unnoticeable, and other times it is severe, ravaging your existence. The pain can emanate from a relationship, a job, a general malaise, your negative internal dialogue, or any other source of discomfort.  

Often people are resentful and regretful when a painful situation ends, such as the end of a relationship. I have had numerous clients comment that their previous relationship was a waste of precious time, a sham, so painful to bear that it was not worth being in the relationship. They are left with anger, hurt, regret, and sometimes confusion. So the pain from the relationship is harbored and, possibly, intensified. Some even adopt new negative emotions to lug with them as they attempt to move on. The toxicity continues.

Ending a relationship and holding onto this type of pain can incapacitate you with fear, rendering you incapable of letting go of the past and moving forward with the future. You will likely be frightened to try to love again for fear it will end with pain, just as it had before. but as Alfred Lord Tennyson said, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

So…look in the Treasure Chest. See what value and riches you can find. See what lessons you learned (e.g., what to do or not to do next time, don’t ignore the red flags). See how you will be able to be a better version of yourself as a result of the relationship. It is often the case that a relationship, or a job, is showing you what you want or what you don’t want. Sometimes a relationship or a job is is merely a placeholder in time until someone or something we have been waiting for finally comes our way. Timing in life is key.

The process of searching for the treasures to find the value is educational and healing. It is liberating, unlocking the shackles bound by your fear, anger, and other negative emotions, so you can move forward.

Sometimes, however, you are unable to find value, the pain is merely pain, and you cannot find a takeaway. Don’t fret, just let it be. You must leave the pain behind you though so you can proceed down the more promising path that awaits you.